Dating

A friend of mine recently asked me about dating.

She wanted to know how on earth she was to find the right guy. 

I'm not expert on dating, but I didn't date any bugaboo's, shoutout to Beyonce. 

You know what I'm sayin'... 

What Mercedes looked for in a fella and what Mercedes got. 

A Christian Guy

This was important to me on so many levels. I wanted a guy who knew about God, loved God and wanted to know more about God. My entire life I was taught to serve God and I also grew up in a local church. I loved going to church for a lot of reasons and am forever grateful for the women and men who took time to help me grow. The memories I have of church are pretty awesome and I'm very fortunate.  

When I met C, he did not go to church. He wasn't a wild child, but he wasn't a saint. I remember the very first time I invited him anywhere, it was actually to church. I saw him at work, we chatted that night and I remember leaving for the night and telling him about my church. I told him what time service started and where it was located. In all Mercedes fashion, I was late to church the next day. So I stumble through to find an empty seat and during our greeting session, I heard my name. I turned around to find C sitting behind me, waving me over. I remember being half asleep and thinking, "Wow, he actually came." 

Mom 

I love my mom, a lot. She's in Heaven now, but I still hold her on such a high pedestal. Mom's are just so cool, I mean the work they do day in and day out, is mind blowing. I remember watching my mom cook meals and my brother would steal food as she labored over the hot stove. How about the endless amounts of laundry she did. Also, keep this in mind. . . I have 8 brothers and sisters. Yeah, you read that right. My mom will forever be such a queen in my eyes. When dating I looked to see how the guy treated his mom. Was the guy nice to her, did he despise her? Did he laugh with her, would he open the door for her, did he act different around her when I was present? In my opinion, I figured the way he treated his mom said a lot about his character. Momma's boys are a different story . . . 

When I met C he talked a lot about his mom. Most of the stories he shared about her were hilarious moments or good meals she'd made. When I finally met her, he was nowhere to be found. Yes, that's right... C told me to come to his house to meet his mom. When I arrived, she was home, but he was out with his brothers. I never meet a stranger, so I opted to eat lunch with his mom and I'm glad I did. His relationship with his mom was/is great. I witnessed him treat his mom nicely and in turn he's carried that over to how he treats Baby M and I. 

Oh and no, he doesn't treat us like we're glass. He runs the chainsaw, the weed eater and opens doors. I cut the grass and take out the trash, on many occasions.  

My dad 

I know it's silly, but I wanted my dad's approval. I really couldn't care about anyone else in the world, but I needed to talk to my dad about my choice. Only one boyfriend ever met my dad. I didn't bother my dad with the other clowns, just C. My dad and I had a pretty funny relationship. He always thought I was up to no good and he was usually right. I could joke around with my dad and I could also get away with a lot around my dad. In my eyes, my dad was such a rad dad. I mean he taught me how to kick the soccer ball, juggle the soccer ball and he also taught me how not to cook. He is forever one of the strongest and most hardworking men I have ever met. So when my dad gave C the thumbs up, I was thrilled. The real test of knowing my dad liked someone was if my dad asked that said person to do something. Anything really. So if my dad asked C to unload some groceries or maybe hand him a cup or maybe run to the store, you knew you made the cut. 

Finances 

My name is Mercedes and I know my credit score, I know how to budget like a wild woman and I absolutely expected everyone else to know and do the same. Real world, most people are not the same. My parents taught us at a very young age the importance of money. They made us save money and I'm forever grateful they did. Then to add to my money savvy-ness I worked at a bank. Let me tell you first hand. . . the Lexus, Audi or Mercedes people drive is usually bought with credit and has a massive payment attached. How about the man who enters the bank with a sick suit, driving said car . . .yeah, he's coming in because he's overdrawn on his checking account. Trust me people, looks are so deceiving. 

When I met C this particular subject provided some good humor. C loved electronics, still does, loved to eat burgers, still does and loved to spend, still does. I'll never forget when I went grocery shopping, broke as ever and C said, "I can't believe you didn't buy Jiff peanut butter!" I think my head turned like in the exorcist movie. Yes, we couldn't afford good peanut butter, until last year. We have worked really hard to learn together how to save, how to manage our money and how to be good stewards of God's money. C's not the bad guy completely in this, he's the one who pushed us to tithe and I am so glad that screaming match took place. I strongly believe we are blessed because we honor God with the first 10% of our salaries and gifts. 

Plans 

I'm a planner. Like I hate surprises, actually despise surprises. The thought of not knowing what I'm doing tomorrow, scares me a little. I'm the person who maps out essentials before a vacation. I'm the person financial people hate, I ask a million questions. I wanted to meet someone that had a plan for their life.I wanted to meet someone who had planned for a good life. I totally understand about life and how plans are changed, shifted or even messed up. I get it. What I wanted was someone that was prepared for what life threw our way. 

I never down someone who has a plan. If you're 35 years old and live with your parents, but you have a plan, sweet. If you're 60 years old and live with your parents and sleep until 4 pm and mom makes you waffles for dinner, not cool. Each and every person I've ever met, no matter the financial status, no matter the family history, whatever is going on, people with a plan make things happen. It's a okay to have loads of erase marks in your plan, trust me, I stopped writing in pen because my plans change soooo much. Life is fun, but planning is essential in seeing your vision come to life.  

If you think I'm crazy, join the club. I wish everyone could just magically find a C like I did. Actually... no, you'd have to live in a small town with miserable temperatures to find him. 

If you're dating, engaged, married - wherever your are in life, always trust your gut/instincts. Seriously, if you don't feel right about a situation or a person, go with that feeling. The dating life is such a difficult life to be part of. I mean some people are crazy, others are super weird, then you met the 1 person who might be good, but then you find out he's married. I am one of the fortunate gals who found my partner in crime in my early days. I'm sure he's still on the fence about this whole Mercedes gig, pretty sure he sticks around for the occasional chicken and dumplings or chocolate pie. 

Adios Pals!