God's Timing

God's timing 

In 2005, I married the coolest guy ever. He was my high school sweetheart and was the only person alive that could make me so angry, yet the only one to calm me down! It's true, still to this day, when Lercedes, my evil twin comes to surface, he can shoot me a look that says "Calm the Ratchness down!"

So we started to try and have a bambino in 2007. We were scared about all the what ifs, but we knew we wanted kiddos. In about 2010 we made some doctors appointments that would bring some light to the baby situation. In 2012, we did more tests and were left with even more questions. 

To say we were sad is an understatement. One thing that held us together for so long is our love for God. I would cry alone often and just ask God, "Why us? Why can drug addicts and 16 year olds have babies, but we cannot? What did we do? What did I do, is it just me?" I think this is when God had popcorn and a Dr.Pepper and just laughed. Why? Because I was still in control of this situation. I had a whole team of people praying for us and loving us, but we were still in control. 

Time passed and I begged C to think about adoption. He had mixed feelings about adoption because he knew what could happen. He knew that we could make it to the 9th month of a pregnancy and then the birth mom could change her mind. He also knew he would be there to pick up the pieces and he wasn't sure how that would go. See, I'm tough and I'm a fighter, I will stand toe to toe with danger, but this subject was so sensitive that C knew and he was scared. I was scared, but I knew it was something we needed to do. 

So one night in December, I was chatting it up with God and I said, "This is too much. This situation will be the death of me. We want babies, but I need to understand your timing is not lined up with my timing. I love you and I need you to drive." This is when God put down his drink and got to work. You see... I had no idea, but God was stirring the pot at that very moment. C worked overnight and a good friend, who was also working nights that week, started the baby conversation with C. This said friend, has family members who faced infertility so he knew the sadness and worry that faced this very subject. He'll never know what that conversation will mean to me. I think God used him, working in the trenches of the hood, overnight that week, to talk to C. (Insert an amazing quote - God doesn't call the qualified, God qualifies the called) 

So I leave for work around 7:15 am, every morning and C hardly ever calls me before I leave for work. My phone was blowing up around 7 am. Lercedes comes to surface because I'm still running around like a wild woman doing my million items on my to do list before heading out the door. I cuss count to ten and answer the phone. C is on the phone and he starts our 10 minute conversation with, "I'm ready, let's start the process." Umm... C whatcha talking bout Willis? He tells me he's ready to talk about adoption and he wants to really fill out the paperwork and get started. 

(My drive to work)

We filled out the paperwork and started the process of talking to different organizations and agencies. I kept thinking, "Am I dreaming, is this really happening?" I have always believed in staying accountable for your actions and telling others about your goals because they can help you in staying on track. . . so at our Ugly Sweater Christmas Party ... I made the announcement to our close friends. I could see the excitement and the fear as they hugged us. Trust me, if you were among the friends, we were scared too. We tried not to show it, but we were terrified! 

Then late one night, after watching a documentary... yes. We're leaving the theater and I have a million missed calls and text messages. It's now almost midnight and said person is asleep so doesn't answer my calls or texts. The next morning she tells me someone we know is looking for a family who would like to adopt her baby. What? Long story short, we adopted Baby M in the middle of June. 

This is one story, I have many more about God's timing. I remember going through this journey and crying my eyes out because I felt so alone, I felt at times that God was allowing these things to keep hindering our adoption. In the end, I know he was asking me, "Mercedes, will you trust me?" God truly never left our side, my side, our family's side. He walked us through this dark time and showed his goodness to us, in time, in his time. 

In closing, I share this story today because just yesterday as C and I are working in the yard, a car stops. We have never met this woman, but she said she wanted to welcome us to the neighborhood and she also, from another neighbor, heard that we adopted baby M. She had some questions, as her daughter and SIL are starting the adoption process. It's funny, because God's timing has always promised some good laughs and some ah-ha moments. We never expected to share our story on a rainy afternoon, with a stranger, while wearing yard clothes and baby M screaming, but we did. 

So I leave you with these 5 pieces of advice:

1. I encourage you to trust in God. If you're like me, you want something NOW, not tomorrow, but NOW! Trust God and his timing. Had he given us a child early into our marriage, I'm not sure we'd be as close as we are now. God needed C and I to work through this trial together, God knew we were strong and knew I was controlling - it's the Lercedes in me. 

2. Tell others your goals and dreams, they'll keep you accountable. It's scary to tell people your fears and secrets, so choose wisely and be honest. Ask for Prayer, see #5. Good time to mention, we're hoping for a sibling for Baby M! 

3. Patience my friend, learn it, live it and deal with it. Does it mean it'll be easy, ha! No, it is everything but easy. Does it mean you'll keep it together, not a chance. I was a mess and still a mess. It's not easy, but the results are amazing. In his time, goodness prevails. 

4. Work together - be together. C doesn't communicate too well, he tends to let things roll or to not speak his mind - opposites do attract, I am the complete opposite. In this situation, I showed every emotion and C was different. I knew he was scared, the times he bites his lip, the moments when he'd ramble during an adoption interview, the questions he had for our attorney or the times I would catch glimpses of him from across the room with fear in his eyes. We were together, so nothing could stand in our way, we were a united force and together C and I can do some damage. 

5. Pray. Prayer is a magical piece of the puzzle. I can pray while I'm driving, I can pray when I'm in the library and I can pray among others. Prayer is a force that works wonders. I encourage you to pray and seek wisdom, talk to God and share your struggles, pray.

Have a wonderful week!